Only a Memory
by Ana Graves
Summary: Caroline has a memory that will haunt her forever. Klaroline, Forewood.


**Disclaimer:** TVD does not belong to me. Neither Klaus nor Caroline (unfortunately...).  
><strong>Possible music:<strong> While writing this thing I was listening to Rihanna _Unfaithful_ and Skillet (_Comatose, Hero, Whispers in the dark, Falling inside the black_).  
><strong>Action:<strong> Retrospection is set some time after Tyler's come back. Real action is set few months after the retrospection.  
><strong>Rating: <strong>I hope it's T.  
>Enjoy!<p>

* * *

><p>The Grill's bathroom wasn't the best place to put on the make-up, but Caroline had no choice. She was busy the whole day, organizing everything at short notice, and now she had to make final corrections of her appearance in this not very cosy place.<p>

The mirror quickly became blurry because of her breath, but she knew the movements perfectly, so she really didn't need it. She closed her lipstick, cast a final glance at her reflection and nodded approvingly. Then she left the bathroom and stood for a while on a threshold, looking at the decorations that were hanging from walls and ceiling.

The Grill looked that way at least once a month. There were constantly birthdays, name days, anniversaries, small parties throwing without a special occasion... After surviving something which seemed to be a little Apocalypse for them – Mystic Falls' pack - they started celebrating everything that could be celebrated. It seemed that they had to be closer to death then ever to finally realise how precious life was. And then they needed to appreciate it, every single day, every single minute, every single second.

Caroline smiled at herself, seeing the changes she managed to bring in. Grill's inside was looking more like a disco, eclectic and modern in the same time, extravagantly and generously decorated. It was perfect.

'Wow,' she heard Elena's voice. Her friends were just entering the pub. 'You'll never stop surprising me,' said Elena with a laugh and hugged Caroline.

'Yeah,' Bonnie nodded and joined the hug. 'I should start worrying what you will do on my birthday.'

'Nothing special,' Caroline shrugged. 'Just few dead cats hanging from the ceiling, living black widows on the floor and a few difficult tasks to un-spell.'

Bonnie poked her at the shoulder and they all laughed.

'Do you really think he will like it?' asked Caroline nervously, her expression suddenly changed.

'Are you joking? He will love it!' stated Bonnie, comfortingly squeezing Caroline's arm.

'And if he don't you can always dump him. My new neighbour is interested in you. I'm not perfectly sure if he is a human, so he can be perfect for you,' said Elena and they started laughing again.

Suddenly the door cracked and rest of their pack entered the pub. Matt were leading Tyler, whose eyes were concealed with a white scarf. Then there was a normal procedure – 'Happy Birthday', hugs from everyone, a cake and dances. Tyler was under the big impression, but it was only when he was dancing with Caroline and holding her tightly, did he murmur: 'Everything is perfect now.'

She smiled at herself. It really seemed like they had never had any problems at all.

'Presents now!' Matt interrupted their dance, pulling Tyler towards the table. Tyler smiled at her apologetically and walked to the furniture, which was covered with presents. Maybe it was quite childish, but after everything all of them had gone through they were quite generous with gifts.

First pack was from Alaric and Meredith. Second from Salvatore brothers (or rather Stefan, because Damon couldn't care less about such things as presents), third from Elena and Bonnie and so on. At the end Tyler opened a small envelope from Caroline. There were four tickets inside, two for a trip they – generally she - were talking about so many times and two for the match he wanted to see.

'Thank you all for everything,' he said, particularly to Caroline and hugged her. Then he let her go and cleared his throat. 'I also wanted to give myself a little present. Or rather quite a big one.'

Caroline frowned. It was something unexpected, something exceeding the borders of their normal routine.

Tyler cleared his throat once more and knelt in front of her. She could feel her dead heart beating hard in her chest.

'Caroline Forbes...' he started, pulling out a little black box from underneath his jacket. '...will you do me this honour and marry me?' He opened the box and held it out to her.

Complete silence fell in the Grill. Everyone seemed to stop breathing. Caroline looked at the tiny piece of jewelry shining in the box and couldn't focus on it. She saw something completely different in front of her eyes.

She suddenly realised that the silence lasted too long. She looked at Bonnie, Elena and her mother. They were all surprised, but also excited, sure what the answer would be. They may have been sure. She definitely wasn't.

'I...' she started, but she had difficulty in getting the voice out of her throat. 'Give me some time, okay?'

She saw disappointment in his eyes. She saw misunderstanding in mum's eyes. She saw surprise in Elena's eyes. She had to get out of there.

'I'll tell you tomorrow,' she faked a reassuring smile, grabbed her stuff and almost shot out of Grill. She breathed the cold air and started walking straight ahead, without any concrete destination.

Raindrops were falling heavily from the sky, making her soaking wet within a second. She needed it to soothe her boiling senses.

She didn't have a problem to keep her secret so deeply inside her that it almost didn't bother her the whole days or even weeks. She even succeeded in hiding her remorse and shame so that no one had ever thought that something could have ever been wrong.

But when she saw that little black box she couldn't stop thinking about another black box, a little bigger, left on her bedside table at one of the most memorable nights in her life. And after that little memory came the other, the one she will never forget.

Thoughts rushed through her mind and she knew she had to replay the night that will always stay with her and haunt her.

The night that had changed her life. The night that had left her numb. Void and empty.

* * *

><p>She knocked angrily on his door. Maybe it wasn't very smart to come here alone, but she didn't care. She had to tell him what she wanted.<p>

He opened the door after the long while. She was sure he had perfectly known it was she who was standing on the other side and that he purposefully had made her wait. His carelessness made her even more angry with him.

'Could you kindly get the hell out of my life?' she snapped at him. He didn't seem to care, usual smirk on his lips. 'Get lost, will you?'

He leant against the door frame and looked at her in a very irritating way.

'Hello, Caroline. Nice to see you,' he said with a strange smile. She puffed and thought about going away, but then he spoke. 'What are you here for?'

She frowned. 'I have just told you. And I have nothing more to add.'

'I know what you've just told.' _And you don't give a damn about it_, she finished his sentence in her thoughts. 'But I'm asking you what the real reason for your nice little visit is.'

She narrowed her eyes. 'You can think what you want, but I made myself clear.' She turned on her heel, but he grabbed her elbow. It startled her so much she stopped.

'Come on, Caroline,' he said, looking her straight in the eyes. She suddenly thought that he had rarely spoken her name before. It sounded quite nice coming out of his lips. But why did she even think about it? 'Let's say I'll let you go. Be with this stupid idiot of yours if that is what you wish,' she saw contempt in his eyes. 'But do me a favor and eat with me. Let's say... a farewell meal.'

She looked at him even more startled. Did he really expect her to just eat with him a friendly dinner?

After a moment she realised that was exactly what he expected. She felt a sting of fear. If she doesn't agree he may start threatening her friends and doing his usual stuff... So maybe it would be better to agree, even though she didn't see anything menacing in his eyes right then. He could be acting too normally, but he wouldn't deceive her. His whole being always radiated menace.

She sighed heavily and looked at him suspiciously. 'And you promise to leave me alone if I agree?' she asked, crossing her arms on her chest.

'I promise,' he answered with a smile. Normal smile, not a smirk, she noticed.

She sighed again and walked passed him through the open door. He closed it behind her and showed her into the room she hadn't seen before. It was a big guest room, but even though it was half a size of her home it seemed to be one of the smallest premise in this house. What surprised her most was the table. Covered with a scarlet tablecloth it carried four candle holders with shining candles, two plates with some meal on it and two filled glasses. The table wares were set in front of each other.

She stopped on the threshold. 'Are you expecting someone?' she asked with a squeezed throat. She felt she already knew the answer.

'You, love,' he responded, exactly the way she thought he would. He moved the nearest chair away for her and she sat in it tentatively.

'Do you expect me every night or just accidentally you prepared it for tonight?' she couldn't help asking.

'Man should have a few secrets unrevealed, don't you think?' he answered her with a question, sitting in front of her. She looked at him for a few seconds, strong suspicion in her eyes. Eventually she looked down to see what she had on the plate.

She recognised quite a modest meal that was lying on the piece of china in a second.

'Really?' she asked, almost laughing. 'I expected some fireworks, not normal, human food.'

'I heard that's one of your favourite,' he answered without a blink.

'You heard,' she said ironically, winding pasta on the fork. 'How many people did you have to compel to find out this big secret of mine?'

'You said expensive jewelry don't impress you. So I figured out you can enjoy something modest.' It wasn't exactly the response she was waiting for, but she could deal with it. She chewed the first bite and had to admit it was one of the best meal she has ever eaten. Of course she would never say that aloud to him.

After a few seconds of silence she became quite nervous. Why wasn't he eating, just looking at her from the other end of the table? She swallowed the last bite and asked, carefulness in her voice: 'Is it poisoned?'

He smirked. 'Tell me, Caroline, why would I like to poison you now, few weeks after I saved your life?' He wanted to say something more, but she felt she knew his words all to well.

'Stop it,' she snapped, lifting up her fork and pointing at him with it. 'If you say it again I'm leaving.'

'I'll be silent as a grave,' he said with a smile, setting his hands under his chin. He continued to watch her eating, which made her annoyed.

'Ok, you can speak,' she made eyes when she could stand the silence no more.

'Thank you for the permission,' he said debonairly. 'I was admiring the way you eat.'

She made eyes once more. She tried to imagine Tyler telling such things and she almost laughed. Tyler would never say something like this. Admiring? Permission? Definitely no.

She suddenly turned her head and saw the glass that was standing next to her plate. It was filled with red liquid. She had no doubts what was it. She looked at his glass. The blood in it was a little bit different colour.

'Don't worry, love, it's not human,' he of course read her thoughts.

She couldn't take his words for it and she wanted to show him she wasn't quick to trust him. She lifted up the glass and smelled the contest a little bit theatrically. Then she took a sip from it and was surprised by its taste. It wasn't human blood. He had really thought about everything.

'Here's to you, madame,' he said charmingly, lifting his glass. She blushed a little and smiled for the first time since she had entered that house. She accepted his toast and took another sip from her glass.

She was trying to remain focused on her meal and to end it as soon as she could. After it she stood up and faked a smile. He also stood up, she couldn't read the expression he was wearing.

'Thank you for the dinner,' she said, even though she didn't want to pronounce the word 'thank' in his presence. 'I know the way to the door.'

She turned and headed towards the door, fearing he wouldn't let her go so easily. She wasn't wrong.

'Do you really want to come back to your meaningless existence so quickly?' she heard his voice. She stopped, just like she has been hit by a lightning. It hurt.

'You really know how to offend a woman,' she said sarcastically, not turning to him. She started feeling angry, very angry. Has she really been under the illusion she could eat this dinner of his and just leave, even for a second?

'I didn't mean to offend you,' his tone was still the same, smooth and under control. 'I'm still trying to show you that you could live a different life. The one you deserve.'

She sighed and leant against the frame, almost intentionally listening to him, still not turning to face him.

'Some time ago, let's say a long time, I was observing a bunch of vampires,' he started slowly.

'It's gonna be a compelling story,' she said ironically and sighed again. Nonetheless, he continued.

'They were living the life that resembles your own. Their existences were meaningless. But you see, they had no potential in them. That was all they could ever have. You, on the other hand, have many unrealized capabilities. So many dreams hidden inside from the world. Buried deep to never see the light of the day.' She didn't hear him walking, but she suddenly felt his breath next to her ear. She shivered.

'You know nothing about my dreams,' she whispered and continued her walk towards the entrance door.

'I know more than you can imagine.'

Was he still trying to stop her? Or was he just trying to make her so angry that she would do something after which he would have to kill her?

'Haven't you thought about your future, Caroline? Tyler is going to live forever, just like you. And I don't see him anywhere else than Mystic Falls,' Again there was a strong contempt in his voice when he was talking about Tyler. 'You're trapped in the cage made of your sweet little friends who either are mortal or don't have any spark in them.'

She heard enough.

'Don't you dare talking about my friends!' she boomed, finally turning to him. He was closer than she thought, but it didn't outface her. 'You know nothing about friendship, you know nothing about caring, you know nothing about love, and you have no right to talk about it!'

She was furious with him, but also with herself. How could she pronounce word 'love' while speaking to him?

He was looking her deep in the eyes. He was so close she wanted to retreat, but she didn't.

'Maybe you're right,' he said slowly, never taking his eyes from hers. She breathed heavily, and she too couldn't stop looking into his irises. 'And maybe... you could teach me, love...'

In the few seconds that followed everything happened so quickly she wasn't sure of the right sequence of the events. One moment they were looking at each other, the other moment she felt his lips on hers, the next moment she was outside, trying to stop her limbs from trembling.

_What, the hell, has just happened?_

She tried to focus only on her anger, which became enormous. He had gone beyond every border. And she wasn't willing to let him treat her that way. Damn it, she was Caroline Forbes, Miss of Mystic Falls, brave, courageous and impertinent vampire! She was willing to show him that. Maybe it was risky and stupid, but she didn't think clearly.

She came back to the house with an attitude of a wild, injured and furious animal and did what she would do with any other man, even though the normal definition of man didn't exactly fit him – she slapped him across the face.

To her surprise after a second she was still alive and he was just laughing.

'I deserved that,' he explained, smiling. She has never seen such a smile on his face before. It was a smile of amusement, astonishment, admiration and something more, something she didn't want to receive from him.

'You have a screw loose, you know?' she snapped. One part of her badly wanted to get out of there, whereas the other part enjoyed this little show and wanted to see what would happen next. She felt like she was losing her mind. 'Stay away from me,' she decided to follow the wishes of wanting-to-escape part, because she was afraid of the things the other part was telling her.

He didn't let her leave again. He grabbed her wrist when she was heading to the door and pushed her almost tenderly onto the wall. He didn't use his whole strength to hold her, so she tried to break free as hard as she could. It wasn't hard enough though.

'Sorry, love, when we agreed it's a farewell I had to change the tactic,' he said with disarming honesty. She has always liked this honesty of his.

_Like? Are you mad, Caroline? Is it what you're thinking about in such a situation?_She thought in anger and desperation.

She stopped struggling. He was so close she could felt his breath on her skin.

He touched her cheek softly. She shivered. Once more she felt like she was made of two different people. One feared she wouldn't exit from this house alive. But she became a really good friend with this thought, so she wasn't really afraid of that. He saved her once, so he could also be the one to end her existence.

She was more scared about the other person. She was afraid of thoughts that were rushing through her brain. She didn't want to look into his eyes anymore, because they hypnotized her. Because she feared she wouldn't be able to resist the urge to drown into them. So she had to leave in that very moment, when her anger was still big.

'Let go of me!' she hissed, her voice still steady, but she felt that such a state wouldn't last very long. He did let her go. She tried to force her muscle to work, but her body didn't obey the orders of her common sense.

'You deserve something more,' he held her face in his hands, making her unable to look in another direction. 'You deserve life,' he added, millimeters from her. 'You deserve passion.'

And with these words he kissed her again, this time differently, slower, more carefully and tenderly, like he wanted to enjoy her taste for a longer time. She couldn't resist. She could just return it. Then the kiss suddenly changed into more passionate, expressing all their desires.

Their? Has she really thought it?

She stopped thinking for a moment. The kiss was better than she would've ever expected – not that she has ever expected it - and it made her short of breath.

He let go of her for a little while, leaving her craving for more.

'Real passion,' he whispered with a wide smile and pushed her harder to the wall, making a next kiss one of the best in her entire life.

She knew it was wrong, even very, very wrong. But in that very moment everything he had ever told her about, the life she could have, the art, cities, music, it all came to her. She suddenly felt a desire to take it. To travel to these cities he had been talking about. To hear this music. To see this art. To live this life.

She so badly wanted to be really alive. And she realised that Mystic Falls wasn't enough for her. That Tyler wasn't enough for her.

She shouldn't do the thing she was doing, but for the first time in her life, even though it was only her imagination, she felt her heart beating. So hard as if it wanted to jump out of her chest. She felt the passion he was talking about seconds ago. Until that moment she thought she knew everything about passion and desire. But she was wrong, very wrong. She knew nothing about it.

His hands were going down her body and she closed her eyes, burying her own hands in his hair. Even though she still couldn't stop thinking that it was the last thing she should have been doing, even though she couldn't stop imagining possible consequences, she made a decision.

And when he lifted his head to look her in the eyes she made this decision quite obvious.

...

She woke up in the morning. She didn't need a lot of time to remind herself the events of the previous night. After a quick flashback she stopped thinking, like her head was empty. She knew only one thing – she needed to leave. This time for real.

She didn't have to turn to check if he still was in the bed next to her, she felt his presence. She stood up as quietly as she could and gathered her clothes. The floor creaked beneath her and she stopped immediately, squeezing her eyes for a second, then slowly turning to look at him. He had to wake up, but he didn't open his eyes. Maybe he didn't want to interrupt her if leaving was the thing she wanted to do. She took a deep breath and left the room, closing the door behind her. It also creaked.

'Shit,' she whispered, quickly dressed up and left the property, trying not to think cause right then it was too painful. She wasn't ready to think.

...

Few hours later everything was over. He was dead. The forever-together trio had fulfilled some plan of theirs without telling anyone about it. They had wanted to be sure no one would screw it up. Their plan had had something to do with the white oak tree. She didn't know for sure.

She was feeling empty. The whole day she had been trying not to think, not to focus on remorse, shame and guilt she was experiencing. And suddenly this news - announced by Tyler, who had rushed into her room, kissed her fiercely and exclaimed: 'We won!' - hit her.

She has never felt so empty before. Remorse, shame and guilt disappeared as if they wanted to do more space for the emptiness.

She spend the whole night sitting at her desk and looking through the window, thinking about nothing. Feeling nothing. Just the emptiness.

* * *

><p>She felt hot tears coming from her eyes. She lost the track of time and she even didn't know where she was. She leant against the nearest tree and slipped down onto the ground.<p>

That night had changed her life. The part of her, which had wanted to run away from Klaus, this 'first person', as she liked to call it, had died that night.

It had left her with a terrible secret she wasn't going to reveal. Never, to anyone. No one would understand. She wasn't even sure if she understood it. But it wasn't important.

The feeling of shame and remorse had been coming back occasionally, but she was hiding them behind fake smile, so no one would ever suspect anything. So no one would ever know.

But it wasn't the worse. Even though she had tried very, very hard to erase other feelings that had come a few days after those events, she couldn't and they had outshone guilt and shame, which seemed natural and normal. These other feelings didn't seem so.

She felt them then, sitting in the rain on the wet and dumped ground. She was feeling them almost every day, even though she had always been trying to persuade herself that she wasn't in fact feeling them.

Because that night had changed something more and left her not only empty.

It had left her craving for art, music and genuine beauty.

It had left her craving for someone she could honestly tell 'I love you' to.

It had left her craving for life.

And it had left her craving for him.

These feelings were stronger than anything before. She couldn't fight them. She had felt even more ashamed experiencing them, but eventually she had given up struggling.

She thought again about other things that had died with him. Or, to be more specific, other things she thought that had died with him. Possibility to realise her dreams. Possibility to really be alive. Possibility to love and hate in the same time, to experience some crazy feelings that she was sure would finally kill her. But she thought she wouldn't mind.

She sniffed and pulled out a little piece of paper from the pocket of her trousers. She had placed it there almost unintentionally such a long time ago. The paper read _'From Klaus'_and came from that black box she had found the morning after he had saved her life. She looked at it even though she didn't see much, picture blurred because of tears and rain. She didn't have to see it. She knew it all too well.

She had to forget about it. He had been right about her dreams, but it wasn't important anymore. They would be buried even deeper from then on. She had to close that chapter of her life. Say farewell to those dreams and that one memory.

A farewell... She shook her head. It was the word she shouldn't have thought about.

Her future was very clear. She could leave everything behind her and start doing something she has always wanted to do. But she would be alone. For the whole eternity. It wouldn't take her long to come back to Mystic Falls with her tail between her legs. Or she could choose another option. The only option she could choose.

She cast a final glance at the paper and tore it into pieces. Some of them fell onto the ground, damp and almost invisible in the darkness; the others were blown by the wind. She looked at them as they flew away, taking her life and her heart with them.

She stood up, dusted off her clothes – even though the back of her trousers was so covered with dirt nothing could help them – and wiped her eyes. She then started running, this time she perfectly knew her destination.

After few minutes she was knocking on the Lockwoods' door. Tyler was quick to open.

'Yes,' she said with a smile and turned away, not giving him time for answer.

She was going to forget about Klaus, her dreams and genuine beauty, because future was not on their side. They were just shadows of her past.

Even though she knew she wasn't going to succeed, she knew she will try. They had to remain just shadows of her past.

Even though that night had changed her life permanently she had to re-change it. And live her new not-life.

Cause, after all, it was only a memory. Who cares that it will haunt her for ever? It didn't have any power. It didn't have any future. It didn't have nothing, expect for her heart.

It was only a memory.


End file.
